A friend had a rather heated arguement with his wife last night and she became pretty frustrated with him and whapped him a couple of times. His face was actually still red this AM.
so he asked her point blank what gives her the right to hit him if he cant hit her?

She didnt really give much of an answer, but it had something to do with "It doesnt hurt you."

I have noted an odd sort of "double standard" when it comes to women hitting men vs. men hitting women.
Im not advocating violence or anything like that but I would just like to hear a few observation from everyone about if they see this same disparity.
I seem to recall a lot of the movies we grew up with where it was not uncommon for a woman to just haul off and belt a guy because he said something wrong, was "evil", didnt tell her he was married, etc, etc...

Is it just me?


BTW, I want to hear from the women if possible.

Striking someone is generally unacceptable; however, a single face slap could be acceptable under certain situations. But that goes both ways. I'd be hard pressed to belt a chick but if she truly had it coming she'd best have a mouth guard in if she wanted all her teeth intact after a retaliatory strike. I'd like to think I could retain a presence of mind even in a very heated situation to not escalate things and to deliver only an equivalent blow in return. Bear in mind every circumstance has its own very specific set of constraints, etc. That said - don't dish out what you can't take. Period. End of sentence. My opinion.

IMO, I dont like it. I had to break up with a girl about it. She would do it in play, but it always was a hard slap across the side of my head. It's a shame too, she was smoken hot . But I dont feel it's ever necessary to strike anyone, regardless of gender, unless your own safety (or safety of friends/family) is in danger. I never have hit a girl, and dont think I ever would. How-ever this one girl (didnt even know her) we began to argue. I tried to walk away, and she began to strike me. Now I dont see my self as a wimp, but those blows kinda stung. So I pushed her (not a hard one, just enough to get her to back off), she still can after me. So the only thing I could think of doing with out hurting her was to get close to her, and trip her. Now I held her has she fell, so that way she didnt land hard during the fall, then I just kept walking. It forced her to have to get back on her feet then chase after me. I did this a few times, until she finally gave up and was tired of getting back up (she was a bit on the heavy side).

There is a double standard, and you don't have to go far to see it. Just look in the comics section of your local newspaper. It's a pretty standard gag, guy makes cheesy pickup line to girl, second frame: WHAP, third frame, guy picking his disheveled self up off of the floor, while making incorrect observation about pickup line.

I can think of examples of this from Bloom County, The Duplex, Dilbert and Garfield right off the top of my head.

I am VERY certain that if any comic strip were to portray a man hitting a woman for any reason whatsoever there would be a HUGE uproar.

So yes. There's a societal double standard.

There is a society double standard but not a law double standard.

One call to the police and she would have spent the night in jail.

That's why it's called domestic disputes and spousal abuse now not "wife abuse" lol.

Sadly, while there is not a difference in the letter of hte law, there is a HUGE difference in the practical enforcement of the law.

Real life situation, May 2009. A friend of mine and his wife were at the end of his relationship, and were having a series of very loud arguments. The neighbors ended up calling the cops. When they come in, he's got scratches on his face, and a fat lip. She's lying on the ground (crying, he says that he never laid a finger on her, and I believe him.) Two minutes later, he's handcuffed in the back of a police cruiser. The police officer said that there were signs of a physical confrontation, and assumed that my friend was the aggressor. (He's 6'3", 220 lbs, and a boxer. She's 5'4" might weigh 120 lbs dripping wet.)

The point being that the police didn't even begin to suspect that it was the female who was the one being violent. Nobody even suggested that he should press charges, in fact he was advised specifically against it, because he was told that there was no way that anyone was going to take it seriously.

I believe that the divorce will be final June 10, 2010.

So while the law may technically not hold a double standard, as with so many other gender based biases, it will take a lot of time for people to catch up (if, in fact they ever do.)

Sad but true.

I started watching for instances of this in all of the entertainment. Im becoming very surprised at how much posturing is made towards men and considered to be positive in some way. Its not even subtle once you remove the filter. I even see it in Disney shows. The girl can make a physical threat to a boy and the audience laughs. I imagine they would boo if it was the other way around.

Maybe I should coin a new psychological Syndrome for it, write a book, do the tour , end up on Okrah talking about the poor victims that men are.
But then there is this other side of me that goes "What? All the other guys will make fun of you!...all your friends gettin beat up by girls....geesh."

I guess sexism works both ways.

You're absolutely right that sexism runs both ways, but on the whole, I still believe that women have had the worst of it for a very long time. That does not mean, however that we should ignore current biases still considered socially acceptable.

Your example of how other men would "make fun of you" is just one more way that it shows. They would, and I know it. I have, however, known more than a few women that could hand out a beating that I'd never want to be on the receiving end of. (I have studied martial arts for most of my life.) Even those who I could beat in a sparring match would be more than enough to give me pause. Remember, I'm really not allowed to hit back for real, because the slightest hint that I did so would wind up with ME facing charges. And really, when it comes down to it, I know women who I could NOT beat in a sparring match.

Just the same as in the 60s when some of the worst opponents to Women's Lib were in fact women, so it is and will continue to be for any shift in this behavior of it being acceptable for women to hit men.

I knew a guy once who's girlfriend was a kickboxer and she gave him a good beating on at least two occassions i can think of.
The second time was the relationship breaker .
Unfortunately i see this kind of 'one way street' predudice all the time. unfortunately it seems to be the case with racism aswell to a degree.

Well, my friend and I sat down for the talk and I thought we had figured it out. Then I went home and my daughter wanted to watch "17 Again"...where I was treated to seeing Zac Effron serially smacked by a wife, and four girls. One of which had the audacity to give him the "call me" sign before she did it.

I have a really hard time keeping a straight face with this in between the sadness of it all. But until we all stop being mean to each other, I think this is just going to keep being repeated. My wife has hit me a few times and once I stopped laughing she seemed okay. This is fine with me, because we sometimes need to blow a little steam,, but I can see how this behavior MIGHT be seen as a signal by a "less conscious" man that its okay to hit women. But now all I can see is the inequity in so many many areas between men and women and races and such.

I know we have come a long way, but we still have a long way to go.

and the kickboxer...well that just proves my theory that every race, creed and sex has an equal opportunity to be an @ssh@le....

VT is rather famous for this, there is a "common knowlage" amounst the population I have encountered in my many years in southern VT - correct or incorrect -

Man vs Man: First to the phone wins
Man vs Woman: doesnt matter - man's fault no matter what, even if its mearly reported with no suporting evadence man ends up in the tank, needing to clear name.

jaded perhaps, but I have seen this in action many times.

I had a woman attack me - psycho lady - I had to pick her up and toss her out of my house, using my various training to block and restrain. I didnt strike back for exactly the reason above.

addinfo: forgot to mention my wife was a witness,

Man durachko, those were some harsh words. I you haven't been punched in the face by your girl yet, maybe your not human. I imagine we all get in situations where we have been attacked and i kinda agree with the girl who said, us guys don't get hurt. Seriously, unless she's coming at you with something sharp or loaded (and I've seen close to that) than suck it up and let your cat scratches heal. Because you probably shouldn't be pissing your girl off your girl off that much in the first place. And if she's tweaker styles, then do like IN did, get her outta there, and don't see her again because she's PSYCH-O!

You want equality? I'll give you equality. Don't read too much into what I wrote. But the philosophy of "an eye for an eye" is something to think about before lashing out. I mean, what could be more fair?

I wrote "Bear in mind every circumstance has its own very specific set of constraints" and that's an important part of my reply. If someone, anyone, conks you looking to knock out some teeth they deserve at least a fair smack right back.

As for people hitting each other, who every hits me gets hit back. If a person does not want to get hit, that person should not hit, its that simple.

As for the friend who was hit.....call the police Domestic Violence is Domestic Violence does not matter who does the hitting.

The best line from a TV show about hitting came from BONES, someone told Booth his son had hit someone, and it was brought up about "not hitting girls" Booth stated "I taught him not to hit anyone"

I mentioned this to my best friend in casual conversation today. He told me about a friend he was helping "friend" (no not me lol) who was pummeled repeated by an alchohaulic abusive wife. He went for help, ER reports etc. He was laughed out of a domestic abuse center here in Southern Vermont. Mind you my best friend is a cop, so I'm guessing this is not a fish story. It does happen, and more then most people would like to admit. Getting hit hurts, sure us big burly men take take a few chops and shrug it off but violence is violence, and getting your ass handed to you by some one you love and trust hurts nomatter who, or what size, you are.

So basically, the reality is that there is a double standard. A woman striking a man is seen as a weakness in the man, ranging to comedic. A man striking a woman is seen as criminal. As has been stated, a woman striking a man can be seen as a non-serious situation in anything ranging from the newspaper comic section to Disney films, but the reverse would never be true. In any given movie, a man offering physical violence to a woman woud only be used to villify the man, but a woman offering violence to a man will often be used to demonstrate strength of character or resolve.

One thing that is also true, however, is that women are still far more likely to be the victims of violence in any given situation, and even though I decry the iniquity of the double-standard, it's unlikely to be a social priority until such time as domestic violence itself is reduced in frequency.